


liquid courage

by sadgayvibes



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Crushes, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Idols, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, soonhao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadgayvibes/pseuds/sadgayvibes
Summary: "if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more."- jane austen
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Kudos: 20





	liquid courage

soonyoung must be crazy. he has to be. or was he crazy before all of this? had he gone mad because of it? it was so confusing that his stomach felt like it was in knots and he wanted to throw up. it was sickening. maybe he really was sick. just like how his parents called his condition a disease. not that they knew he had it. 

it scared him. 

he thought he had liked, even /loved/ someone before, but he was wrong. so, wrong. he hasn't ever felt this way before. where just the thought of the other would make him so happy he could cry. and it hurt him. it hurt him that he just couldn't tell that he was willing to do anything for the other to smile. because he was bounded by the words best friend. 

he always thought of himself as someone outspoken. though he considered himself as introverted, he could express his thoughts and opinions if he wanted. it was confusing to him, but everyone could agree that it did make sense. what didn't though, was him not being able to tell what he felt. about something. for someone. even though his lungs felt like it was about to burst if he won't scream it at the top of a building to let the whole city know. 

"please, minghao. you have to come out of there sometime soon." 

he begged the person at the other side of the door. aside from the fact that he was genuinely worried, his heart, his whole being hurt that minghao was hurting. if he could take it all away and make it his, he would. in a heartbeat. 

"i won't leave until you open your door."

he said with a sigh as he let himself fall to the ground and rest his back against the door. he waited for the younger to open the door, though the waiting pained him, and it almost felt like he would be waiting for hours, he stayed. 

it was funny to think about, really. that he could wait for minghao to open his door to let him in yet he literally is one of the most impatient people who ever lived, one of his friends mentioned before while they waited for their coffee.

he wasn't sure how long he stayed there, talking to what felt like a wall, but literally was a wall, until finally the door opened. startling him but not more than the person who finally let him in. minghao wore his pajamas and had the darkest bags under his eyes but nevertheless soonyoung thought he was beautiful. 

he got off the carpeted floor and had the younger but taller boy in an embrace. glad that though minghao didn't look like his usual presentable and fashionable self, he still smelled the way he remembered. minghao said, "alright, alright, i uh, actually am hungry and i don't have any food left so.." he chuckled, but he really did appreciate his closest friend. 

minghao physically looked like a mess, but in reality, they both were. both were helplessly in love with someone they couldn't have. the most cruel curse a person could ever deal with. 

soonyoung almost forgot why he was at his best friend's doorstep in the first place. "oh, well.." he trailed off as he got the plastic bag of food from the floor. it had all of minghao's favorite food and of course, he got a cute little keyring of a tiger and another, of a frog. "good thing i come bearing gifts." he smiled at the other, while he saw that the edge of minghao's lips turned up, he noticed how the rest of his cracked and dry lips didn't. it broke his heart that he may not be able to see his dimpled smile and hear his goofy giggle for a while. 

minghao took the plastic bag from him, "thank you," and for a moment he thought his eyes lit up just like they always do whenever he talks about his art. 

however, when hoshi's eyes went over to the inside of minghao's room, the lights were only halfway lit, and it took his eyes a while to adjust to the limited lighting to see the empty bottles laid out on the carpeted floor, realizing that his friend might be in deeper trouble than he thought. "minghao," he sighed as he let himself in. the other already rummaging through the food he bought and opening a pack of chips. okay, maybe he should've bought healthier options. however, he didn't really expect his friend to be this broken. 

he began tidying up the room while minghao sat on his bed, snacking on the salt and vinegar flavored food. while he picked up the 3rd bottle of soju, he noticed minghao's art binder right beside it. it was left on the floor, open on a page where it had a sketch of a flower, its petals were falling, in a way the petals were shaped like tears, the emotion in it was strong enough that soonyoung's chest felt heavy and he realized he hasn't said another word for around 5 minutes since he got inside. 

he was always told to be quite outspoken and confident with his words. yet he begged to disagree. if he were so loud and confident, why couldn't he just talk about how much he wanted to take care of his member in more ways than friends could offer? "i'm sorry," he blurted out, as he stopped tidying up and sat beside his friend on the bed.

"for what?" the younger one's head turned to his hyung, neck slightly bent and face red. "you're not at fault for breaking my heart." 

"i- i know." it was annoying how he was a stuttering mess. but a thought so cruel surprised him. because /would it be so bad to wish he was the reason for minghao's heart getting broken?/ because minghao was breaking his already and god, how awful it felt. 

minghao's expression was unreadable, at least for soonyoung. he couldn't quite decipher what minghao was thinking about or what his next move would be. "you shouldn't be here.. you don't have to." minghao said suddenly, hands already forgotten the tasty snack as he went to dust off his fingers. his eyes not meeting soonyoung's. 

"what do you mean?" soonyoung laughed dryly. "we're friends. you're my best friend." he said, as he hit the other playfully, confused at his intoxicated friend. he's been on 'save a friend from a broken heart' duty before and having them push him away wasn't exactly something new. though a gut feeling told him that it would be different from the usual. it wouldn't be like how jeonghan cried his eyes out for a week and had to have food given to him or else he wouldn't eat at all. 

he's never actually seen minghao soju drunk, only wine drunk. and wine drunk minghao was loud and funny. he still hasn't figured out soju drunk minghao since he claimed that he hated the drink yet he was using it to drink away his miseries. 

"no we're not." minghao scoffed and soonyoung laughed. until he realized that he wasn't trying to be funny. "myeongho-ah i know you're drunk but god, you're breaking my heart here." he joked, hitting the other softly. 

"i know."

turns out, soju drunk minghao was brutally honest. almost heartless. though after a moment of silence, teary eyes met with another pair of teary eyes, he realized he wasn't. he was more emotional than ever. 

and though soonyoung couldn't believe it himself, he wasn't dumb to not realize that he wasn't so discreet after all. he spoke with his heart beating in his throat, "how long have you known?" 

"does it matter?" the other answered as if they weren't the only ones in the room. was he afraid that others might hear? or was he afraid his voice would crack and tears would just flow from his eyes uncontrollably, just like how soonyoung felt?

"i.. i'm sorry." soonyoung muttered for the second time that hour. 

"stop saying you're sorry." there was an anger in his voice soonyoung couldn't understand. "why didn't you ever say anything?"

he exhaled deeply, unsure and confused witb thoughts racing in his head. "i- i don't know." was all he could say as his lips quivered. his legs straightening as he stood up. "i have to go." he muttered, as he sped towards the door. only for the door to be blocked by minghao's hand. 

"bullshit." minghao said, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the shorter man. 

soonyoung was getting extremely frustrated as he stared back up at him. minghao's eyes reflected frustration back at him, but there was also a redness to it. and with the way their faces slowly leaned towards each other, he was reminded that minghao was intoxicated. yet, without much thought, unlike everything he's ever done with minghao that was calculated and controlled, he took a leap and took the other's face in his hands, leaning in and closing the gap between their aching lips. 

it was nothing he had imagined. 

it was far better than anything he had imagined while cried himself to sleep. 

tears flowed from their eyes as they shared their kiss. soft, balmed lips against dry, cracked lips yet it was perfect for him. everything about him was perfect. soonyoung's chest felt like it was about to burst with the butterflies he felt. 

they continued on until they were out of breath and found themselves holding each other on the bed. 

it was mind-blowing for soonyoung that minghao was the first one to ever say anything about it. maybe it was the liquid courage and though he can taste the alcohol on minghao's lips, he was sure he was intoxicated with minghao himself. it was a high he never wanted to go back down on. 

"we've never been friends." soonyoung whispered while he was being held by minghao. though before he agreed to be the small spoon, minghao had to tell him to just shut up and let him cuddle him. despite soonyoung insisting that he wanted to be the one to take care of the other, he knew it was what he really wanted anyway. 

he played with minghao's hand, with the arm draped over him while he processed everything in his mess of a mind. he thought the younger was asleep, but minghao pulled his arm away from soonyoung. reaching for the yellow plastic on the bedside table and rummaging for a second before he got a shiny green keyring out. "i'll keep the tiger if you keep this for me." he said, as he returned his hand to soonyoung, slipping it on the older's palm. 

he swallowed thickly, as a single tear escaped from his eye. he couldn't find the right words to say so he just held minghao's hand while he nodded. he closed his eyes and cried silently. 

because even though he finally got to taste minghao on his lips, he knew it was all bound to end. because along with the sweet taste of minghao was also the bitterness of alcohol. minghao was intoxicated, mind clouded with sadness. and he was there for him. he will always be. 

minghao felt like home. a space soonyoung would love to be in for the rest of his life. but that home was built on unstable grounds. one where he wasn't meant to stay in. but it's always the ones we can't have we most want. 

a question burned in soonyoung's mind, did it hurt less when he was unaware that minghao knew, or did it hurt more that he was willing to let minghao do as he pleased? maybe it didn't matter for him. as long as he was in minghao's arms at that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't normally write in all lowercase because it usually bothers me but this time i just didn't care oops
> 
> this was posted last june 15 for hoshi's birthday on my twt, @/seoknnin say hi to me if you'd like. i'll only be mean sometimes :>>
> 
> if you'd like a thread version and with pictures ((they hit different)) just go to my twt and look at my pinned!
> 
> feedback will always be welcome thanks for reading my trash lmao


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